VIOLET AND ANTHONY/VIOLET’S DESTRUCTIVE ROLE IN THE BREAK-UP OF ANTHONY AND SIENA’S LOVE AFFAIR
[Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.]
Violet: “Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
LADY VIOLET TO HER SON ANTHONY
[1AA]
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [1A]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
HALLO FOLKS,
How are you today, my loyal Readers [HAHAHA]
As you know, I already wrote a lot about Bridgerton [1] and I intend to write more.
And although I’m planning to write about Anthony Bridgerton’s emotional state [Season 1 and 2], the non existing ”Ghost of Edmund” [Season 2] and whether he forgave his mother Violet after her selective excuses in Season 2 [2],
it suddenly struck me that, although I mentioned her crucial role a lot in
other posts [3], I never dedicated a special piece about Lady Violet’s role in the heartbreaking end of the love affair between Anthony Bridgerton
and opera singer Siena Rosso.
And with my weakness for impossible love affairs it is high time to delve deeper into La Violet’s [destructive] role in the Siena Rosso
Affair………. [4]
Perhaps this is not my last Post about this
We’ll see…..
LET’S GO!
LADY VIOLET AND HER SON ANTHONY
THE SEEDS OF TRAUMA
To smart viewers of the Bridgerton series it is crystal clear, that the
completely poisoned and strained relationship between mother Violet
and son Anthony in Season 2, uttering in Anthony’s coldness against his mother [5] stems directly from Anthony’s heartbreak
over the break up with Siena Rosso and his mother’s destructive role [6]
But to be fair:
Their bad relationship didn’t start with the Siena Rosso Affair, but had its roots
in their shared, painful past, going back to the death of Anthony’s father Edmund.
LET’S GO
We see an 18 years old Anthony, watching his father die, causing a trauma and his [pregnant] mother
lost in sorrow, what makes him not only Head of the Family [because of his father’s death, meaning managing the whole Estate and being the
legal guardian of his 7 brothers and sisters and also his mother] [7], but
since his mother was initially drowned in her deep mourning, also
burdening with the care of his 7 brothers and sisters.
Moreover, as the legal guardian of the Family [including his mother], he had to choose, at the difficult birth of his sister Hyacinth [8], between the
life of his mother and his sister [luckily they both survived childbirth, while he ordered the doctor to save them both]
A heavy burden for an 18 year old…..
But you can imagine also Violet’s perspective, also watching her husband
[and Anthony’s father] die [whom she loved very much], pregnant, knowing her new baby will never see its father, struggling through a
dangerous childbirth and forced to leave the decision over her future
[whether she or her baby must be saved, if a medical
choice has to be made about which of the two should stay alive] into the hands of her 18 years son, whom she
doubtless doesn’t want to burden with something he doesn’t understand at all!
MOTHER AND SON/VISCOUNT AND DOWAGER VISCOUNTESS
The death trauma [since both watched father and husband die]
and the Childbirth trauma [see above] are only the Beginning.
More to come:, which is particularly a burden for the 18 years old
Anthony.
Not yet recovered from the shock of his father’s sudden death
and having faced his mother near death during childbirth, it is
not an exaggeration to say that his carefree youth is over.
Normally you get some support and warmth from your mother,
but not in Anthony’s case.
That’s not completely Violet’s fault.
In the first period after her husband’s death she is so consumed
with grief, that she is incapable to do anything.
However understandable the deep mourning of Violet, that’s a heavy burden for young Anthony,
who not only becomes the new Viscount and the legal Head
of the Family, what makes him responsible for his mother
and his 7 brothers and sisters.
And of course he has to manage the whole Estate and has the duty to marry his off sisters. [9]
And on top of that, he had to take care for his 7 brothers and
sisters, a task that normally his mother had to perform.
REPEATING:
So in the initial period Anthony not only had to do his legal
obligations, a heavy burden on an inexperienced young man
of 18 years, but also to fulfil his mother’s care for his brothers and
sisters.
In modern terms we call that
Parentification [10]
You’d think his mother would have appreciated his efforts and showed it,
but that was not the case.
Not only she was too much drown in her own continuing grief,
that she took everything he did for granted, in most
cases she was cold, heartless and demanding to him, while
tender to her other children, especially her eldest daughter Daphne.
Definitely not out of lack of love [she loved him deeply in her heart],
but due to her unresolved grief, social panic [I come to that],
her new position as a widow [Dowager Viscountess] and yet another, strange factor.
For a strong willed woman like Violet it wasn’t easy to accept that
her own child was now her legal Head and she was ”reduced” to Dowager
Viscountess.
So the system [an 18 year old son being his mother’s legal head and bearing such a huge responsibility], the unresolved grief of mother
Violet and her inability to comfort her also grieving son and the fact, that in Regency Era a slightest mistake could lead to social death [11],
produced a very toxic Mother-Son relationship, since they also were
Viscount and Dowager Viscountess.
And although Violet wanted her son to be a ”strong leader” [easier
for her to remain mourning or hiding behind her mourning role when it fitted her. as became clear], she treated him as a 12 years old boy, often
scolding him as if he were little….
GROWING TENSIONS
Violet not only showed little or no appreciation for all the work Anthony did to hold the Estate in good order, she had no eye at all for his personal
needs and desires and didn’t seem to understand, that an already burdened young man [at the age of 18 years] needs to make some pleasure
too.
So she constantly reminded him of his duties, and not only that:
She continually blackmailed him emotionally with his father,
pointing out that his father did things so much better [yes, it is strange:
he had a yearlong experience] and as nothing helped anymore, she
blackmailed him with the ”marriage prospects” of his sisters….[12]
SIENA ROSSO
With a dysfunctional, toxic and strained relationship you’d think it
couldn’t get any worse.
BUT IT CAN!
IN FACT:
What happened next is nearly the breaking point in the relationship
between Anthony and his mother.
Had she pushed a little harder [for example by chasing Siena
out of the town], had Anthony possessed more of his sister Eloise’s rebellious character [13] it would have resulted in a break…..
At a certain point, Anthony fell desperately in love with opera singer Siena Rosso [14].
And I say ”desperately”, because a possible marriage with an opera singer
was a no go in Regency Era, leading to immediate social death
to the whole Bridgerton Family, especially because Anthony was the
Head of the Family [15]
And Violet discovered that [16]
And what is her reaction?
PURE HORROR!
Look, I can understand her social panic, since a deep
involvement and certainly a marriage between an aristocrat and
an opera singer will inevitably lead to social ruin, not only for
Anthony, but for the whole Bridgerton Family.
So her FEAR of social death or ruin is justified.
But that is not my point.
DEHUMANIZATION
My point is Violet’s total lack of motherly care and her nearly
inhuman approach of the situation.
In factm speaking about Siena Rosso she acts as if she is not
a human being, but just a ”threat” that must be eliminated.
When she first confronts Anthony about Siena’s existence
in his life, she refers to ”a certain soprano”[18], so reducing
the living woman to her occupation, which is worse
because not seeing her as a human being, but also
opera singers were not considered ”immoral women” [19]
Now if you only think so, that’s your business.
[I think it was a combination of fear of social death and personal
disapproval of her and her occupation, not worth a Viscount.]
But to speak to your son about the woman he has an affair with like this
and not realizing [even when it was not love, it was painful to hear] how
it hurts him I think it’s unforgivable
And from that moment, she lost no opportunity to remind him
of his duties., with the usual emotional blackmail with his dead father, working on his feelings of guilt.
Apparently it didn’t cross her mind, that it could be love and she
not only emotionally blackmailed him, she dismissed his love for Siena as a mere ”infatuation” or something to be ashamed of. [19A]
That was the more painful since his sister Daphne was also deeply
in love with his best friend Simon Basset, but was allowed to marry for love, since Simon came from the same social standing, being a Duke [20]
So of course his resentment against his mother grew and certainly
he didn’t trust her supposedly conditional love [in reality she loved him
, but understandably Anthony didn’t see it that way, because she didn’t show it at all] [21]
There were three occasions on which she clearly showed her heartlessness
IN HIS OFFICE ”A CERTAIN SOPRANO”
The first time Violet confronts Anthony she [firstly talking about
other things] says literally
Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
”
Whether she then realizes, that Anthony has serious feelings for Siena [ she does realize it latr [23] is not important here.
She knows that what she says is hurtful, because she deliberately
demonizes her by refusing to mention her name.
And again:
It’s unforgivable to hurt your son like that for there are a thousand ways
to say that you find an affair unfitting without deliberately inflicting pain.
That’s what I so dislike about Violet’s attitude, making her ”pleas for love” in Season 2 so hypocritical [24], especially since in Season 1 she constantly
annoyed Anthony with her obsession with ”duty” and his ”dead father”……
AT A SOCIETY EVENT ”NEEDLEWORK”
And of course Violet tried it again [that woman never stops!]
At a Society Event, where Siena was asked to sing, Anthony stared
longingly and emotionally at her.
Violet saw him staring and probably realizing that it was
not an ”infatuation”, but something much deeper and that her sabotage tactic didn’t work [after the
”certain soprano” incident Anthony broke up with Siena but
they came together again/It was an on/off relationship, but longstanding],
she ”presented” to him two of the most silly marriage candidates, which he, of course, rejected! [25]
A Hilarious Scene.
One of the ”marriage candidates” was praised by Violet for her needlework!
Watch under note 26
And Violet wouldn”t be Violet if she hadn’t had the last word:
This was what she said [Admittedly, in a worried and sad tone:
”You’ll end up alone, with such expectations” [27]
[Anthony had presented to her rather impossible demands
for a marriage candidate, because he couldn’t tell her what she
already knew: that his heart was occupied elsewhere already….] [28]
AGAIN IN HIS OFFICE/ONE OF THOSE CONFRONTATIONS
Since Violet is a woman who keeps pushing, here is one of her
confrontations again.
At another occasion she approaches Anthony again about his
”passions” or ”distractions” [or whatever she calls it] , blackmails him again with his dead fathers, mentions [not totally unjustified] the
marriage prospects of his sisters [29] and of course there is that
demonization again, mentioning his love affair as if it were something
sordid….[30]
EMOTIONAL GAP BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON/
THE DUEL
To illustrate how wide the emotional gap between mother and son was
I will tell the following:
After the duel with his best friend Simon Basset for the honor of his sister Daphne [31][that never was thanks to Daphne”s intervention [32], Anthony comes home.
and when he enters the
living room his mother hardly looks at him and begins nagging and chattering
about the lace for Daphne’s wedding dress, not even knowing how
near to death her son had been. [33]
Should she have paid any attention to him instead of meaningless chattering
about a wedding dress ”approved by the Ton” [34], she would have seen
the state of mind he was in.
Now he had to cope with his emotional loneliness, desperate love and emotional neglect by his mother, who didn’t even realize or know that she could have received a message of his death without even knowing that he was going to duel, something Siena did know. [35]
In those times, Siena’s house was home to him, not the House where
his mother lived.
Siena’s House meant warmth, love and an Open Hearth, Violet’s Place [which was his
house of course] meant coldness, rejection and heartlessness, despite
her undeniable love for him. [36]
That was the most tragic of all……
AT LAST
I’VE SACRIFIED EVERYTHING
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [37]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
The Outburst ”I’VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING” against Violet
in Season 2 is the result of Violet’s yearlong emotional neglect and nagging about ”duties” and especially her emotional sabotage which costed him dearly:
His love for Siena [38], which was an enormous blow.
The attitude of his mother was cold and heartless and the only person
who really comforted him was his close friend Simon, now Daphne’s husband. [39]
The Outburst ”ÉVERYTHING” referred to the heartbreak over Siena…..[40]
THE SEED AND THE HARVEST/CONCLUSION
Some people may defend Violet and say that she had no choice
with her hard stance in the Siena Rosso Affair, because of the real threat of social exclusion, leading to social death [41]
Others will say that she acted with the best intentions.
TWO THINGS
FIRST
Although her fear of social death was real [42], there is a difference between
not wishing someone in your or your son’s life and downright dehumanization and making your son feel that he must be ashamed of his feelings [43]
The things Violet said about Siena Rosso were dehumanizing, hateful and mean [44]
And the worst part was, that she didn’t seem to care or realize how much she was hurting her son.
And neither fear of social exclusion nor unresolved grief was an excuse for that!
SECOND
Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.
And besides:
Did she ever think of alternatives, such as getting married and leaving the country?
Then Benedict could fulfill Anthony’s tasks.
It is just a thought, but she should have thought ”out of the box”
If for no other reason than that there is more to life than a family name, no matter how important, like your child’s happiness.
But I suspect she didn’t even consider it, because she felt he had to sacrifice himself for the greater good, leaving him alone in his heartbreak
HOWEVER:
She paid the price by watching his cold behaviour towards her in Season 2,
a price she had to pay, saving the Viscount and almost losing her son
I wonder if he really forgave her in Season 2, since her excuses were selective [46]
But that’s for another Time
THANKS FOR READING
ASTRID ESSED
NOTES
NOTE 1AA
NOTE 1A
NOTE 1
NOTE 2
NOTE 3
NOTE 4
NOTE 5
NOTE 6
NOTE 7
NOTES 8 AND 9
NOTE 10
NOTE 11
NOTE 12
NOTES 13 T/M 15
NOTES 16 AND 17
NOTE 18
NOTE 19
NOTES 20 AND 21
NOTE 22
NOTE 23
NOTE 24
NOTES 25 T/M 28
NOTE 29
NOTE 30
NOTES 31 T/M 34
NOTES 35 T/M 37
NOTES 38 T/M 40
NOTES 41 t/m 43
NOTE 44
NOTE 45
NOTE 46
ANP