Dit gebeurt wanneer de draagkracht structureel wordt overschreden en de ‘vaas’ vol is: er komen scheurtjes, en uiteindelijk breekt de persoon./Kan dat leiden tot een doodswens?
Ja, dat is helaas mogelijk. Wanneer de draagkracht structureel wordt overschreden en iemand zich in een situatie bevindt waaruit geen ontsnapping mogelijk lijkt, kan dit leiden tot een diepe staat van wanhoop en uiteindelijk een doodswens. [1, 2]
Deze ontwikkeling verloopt vaak via de volgende stappen:
Gevoel van klem zitten: In situaties met tegenstrijdige verwachtingen (zoals een double bind) voelt het alsof je het nooit goed kunt doen. Dit creëert een gevoel van totale machteloosheid en controleverlies. [1, 2, 3]
Uitzichtloosheid: Als de uitputting compleet is, verdwijnt het vermogen om oplossingen te zien. De gedachte aan de dood kan dan niet zozeer een wens zijn om te sterven, maar een verlangen om te ontsnappen aan de ondraaglijke druk en pijn. [1, 2, 3]
Passieve doodswens: Dit begint vaak passief, waarbij iemand hoopt niet meer wakker te worden of wenst dat “alles gewoon stopt”. [1, 2]
Psychologische ontregeling: Chronische stress tast hersengebieden aan die emoties en besluitvorming reguleren, waardoor iemand vatbaarder wordt voor depressieve en suïcidale gedachten. [1, 2]
Belangrijke nuancering: Een doodswens is in deze context vaak een uiting van levensmoeheid door uitputting, in plaats van een actieve wens om het leven te beëindigen. Het is een “schreeuw om hulp” van een systeem dat volledig is opgebrand. [1, 2]
You can imagine the burden, imposed on a 18 year old boy, who led a carefree
life until then.
And his mother doesn’t understands at all.
Although loving him deeply, she is so consumed by her own
grief, that she doesn’t see that her son is also grieving and needs
her maternal love and warmth.
The only thing she sees is his duties, the social survival of the family
in the Regency Era, where, indeed, a slight mistake can lead to social
death or exclusion [6]
That being true, that doesn’t excuse her lack of maternal warmth.
His mother Violet is only focused on Anthony’s mistakes [of course,
he didn’t have any experience in leading an Estate], always comparing
his father with him [unintentionally cruelly pointing out that his father
did it so much better], constantly reminded him on his duties, never showing
him any worth of apreciation, leading to his [wrong] feeling, that
she didn’t love him, especially when she did show tenderness to the other seven children, especially his sister Daphne. [6A]
Feeling not loved by your mother unlike your brothers and sisters is painful
and can lead to a deep trauma.
SIENA ROSSO
But it got even worse.
Anthony met with operasinger Siena Rosso and fell desperately in love. [7]
And I say ”desperately”, because a possible marriage with an operasinger
was a no go in Regency Era, leading to immediate social death
to the whole Bridgerton Family, especially because Anthony was the
Head of the Family [8]
So Violet’s concerns about the love affair of her son Anthony and Siena
Rosso were understandable, in the light of her real fear of the social death [9],
but that was not the point.
The point was her total lack of motherly compassion and warmth [at a certain moment
she knew it was more than an ”infatuation” [10] and her dehumanization
of Siena Rosso, calling her ”a certain soprano” [11], without taking into account the emotional effect on her son.
DOUBLE LIFE
Now watching the death of his father, the burden of leading the Estates and the Family, the daily tasks in Violet’s absence [when she was consumed by her
mourning], as the constant and often cold pressure of Violet on his duties
are enough issues to drive a young man to an emotional breakdown:
But add to that his desperate and deep love for Siena Rosso, condemned by
society and his mother [who also cruelly dehumanizes his great love] [12]
and the emotional burden is nearly unbearable.
And because of that love for Siena, added to their secret meetings [they were not
permitted in public places [13], Anthony was forced to live a ”double life”
A life ”in the light” with his Family and social circle and a life ”in the dark”, with
Siena, as if he were a sort of criminal…….. [14]
Very painful when you are in love, especially when the very person, who
should have supported and protected you, not only utters her objections
[what is understandable given the circumstances], but coldly destroys your
very soul by denying your deep feelings or simply dismisses them as
unimportant [15]
DUEL
It is inevitable, that all those emotional factors leave scars on someone’s soul
and can lead to a deep depression and feelings of frustration.
And being in this state of mind, Anthony challenges his closest friend
Simon to a duel, to defend the honor of his sister Daphne. [16]
See this Great Thing under note 17
At the Eve of the duel Anthony meets Siena, tells her about the duel and
suggest to her to go away together, if he survives the duel [which means
killing his best friend] [18]
When he arrives at the duel, he makes his brother Benedict, who is his
second in the duel, swear, to take care for Siena, should he not survive the duel, a sincere
and impressive proof of his love for her [19]
STATE OF MIND
DEATH WISH?
Of course the reason that Anthony challenged Simon for a duel,
was the honor of his sister Daphne [20]
Now it is a Big Thing already, to duel your closest friend, challenging your closest friend, whose deepest, most intimate sides you have seen, and who has seen yours [21]
BUT THERE IS MORE…..
In the troubled, emotional state Anthony was in, torn as he was between his love and his social duties and obligations, hidden motives
and emotions took their toll….
Because when someone is exposed to unbearable pressure and is emotionally
exhausted by conflicting expectations and desires, there is an urgent need
to be free from that all.
So Anthony’s excited [by adrenaline!] and super emotional mind ran in two directions, depending on
the outcome of the Duel:
Either he survived the duel and he went away with Siena, being ”free from the
very rules that keep us apart” [22]
Or he died in the duel, being free from being torn between his love and the
social pressures being a Viscount [23]
So YES
Considering his traumatic background [watching his father die], combined
with his mother’s immense pressure on his duties, her demonization
of the woman he loves and his painful attempts to combine his emotional
desires with his duties, it is safe to say that he actually had a death wish,
in which the duel thing fit.
He sincerely wanted to fight for Daphne’s honor [however painful to
be obliged to kill his best friend] and thereafter flee with his loved Siena.
But there was the wish to be ”free from the pressure by death” too
And sadly but true it was his mother, who triggered his death wish by her
constant pressure on him, totally unaware of pushing him to
the edge. [24]
Had she, it would doubtless have devastated her.
And from her point of view, she probably thought that she ”helped” him.
But like I said before:
When someone is pushed to the edge, it matters not if the intentions
are good or bad.
The only thing that counts is the destructive outcome…….
And THINK READERS
Due to her unintentional cruelty and lack of motherly compassion, she could have received a message, that her son had been killed in a duel….
EMOTIONAL GAP BETWEEN ANTHONY AND HIS MOTHER VIOLET
The most shocking example of the enormous emotional gap between
Anthony and his mother is the episode of his home coming after the duel
Anthony is still shaken from the effects of the duel [which was ended
by the courageous intervention of Daphne [25] and when he enters the
living room his mother hardly looks at him and begins nagging and chattering
about the lace for Daphne’s wedding dress, not even knowing how
near to death her son had been. [26]
Should she have paid any attention to him instead of meaningless chattering
about a wedding dress ”approved by the Ton” [27], she would have seen
the state of mind he was in.
Now he had to cope with his emotional loneliness, desperate love and emotional neglect
by his mother.
Making selective excuses later [In Season 2 [28], [although revolutionary in Regency Era] [29], when the damage
to the Siena love affair is already done, not repairs the emotional toll
she had laid on her son for her destructive dehumanization. [30]
Especially since Violet never apologized for that…..[31]
SO
YES
ANTHONY, ANTHONY BRIDGERTON HAD A DEATH WISH!
Due to his initial trauma about his father, the burden of his
responsibilities, but mostly because of his mother’s immense
pressure on him and her inhuman behaviour of the woman he loves,
which hurt him deeply [32]
And AGAIN
Violet may have good intentions, protecting the family name, but
also thinking to protect him from the consequences of
the social death, might he have married Siena or openly loved her.
But good or bad intentions, when the outcome is, that someone’s heart is deeply wounded, it matters not.
Pain is pain, especially when your only ”crime” is to love someone deeply [33]
That is the most heartbreaking Part of the Story
ASTRID ESSED
I’LL WRITE MORE ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL STATE OF ANTHONY BRIDGERTON AND THE SELECTIVE ”EXCUSES” OF VIOLET IN
[Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.]
Violet: “Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
LADY VIOLET TO HER SON ANTHONY
[1AA]
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [1A]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
HALLO FOLKS,
How are you today, my loyal Readers [HAHAHA]
As you know, I already wrote a lot about Bridgerton [1] and I intend to write more.
And although I’m planning to write about Anthony Bridgerton’s emotional state [Season 1 and 2], the non existing ”Ghost of Edmund” [Season 2] and whether he forgave his mother Violet after her selective excuses in Season 2 [2],
it suddenly struck me that, although I mentioned her crucial role a lot in
other posts [3], I never dedicated a special piece about Lady Violet’s role in the heartbreaking end of the love affair between Anthony Bridgerton
and opera singer Siena Rosso.
And with my weakness for impossible love affairs it is high time to delve deeper into La Violet’s [destructive] role in the Siena Rosso
Affair………. [4]
Perhaps this is not my last Post about this
We’ll see…..
LET’S GO!
LADY VIOLET AND HER SON ANTHONY
THE SEEDS OF TRAUMA
To smart viewers of the Bridgerton series it is crystal clear, that the
completely poisoned and strained relationship between mother Violet
and son Anthony in Season 2, uttering in Anthony’s coldness against his mother [5] stems directly from Anthony’s heartbreak
over the break up with Siena Rosso and his mother’s destructive role [6]
But to be fair:
Their bad relationship didn’t start with the Siena Rosso Affair, but had its roots
in their shared, painful past, going back to the death of Anthony’s father Edmund.
LET’S GO
We see an 18 years old Anthony, watching his father die, causing a trauma and his [pregnant] mother
lost in sorrow, what makes him not only Head of the Family [because of his father’s death, meaning managing the whole Estate and being the
legal guardian of his 7 brothers and sisters ] [7], but
since his mother was initially drowned in her deep mourning, also
burdening with the care of his 7 brothers and sisters.
Moreover, as the Head of the Family, he had to choose, at the difficult birth of his sister Hyacinth [8], between the
life of his mother and his sister [luckily they both survived childbirth, while he ordered the doctor to save them both]
A heavy burden for an 18 year old…..
But you can imagine also Violet’s perspective, also watching her husband
[and Anthony’s father] die [whom she loved very much], pregnant, knowing her new baby will never see its father, struggling through a
dangerous childbirth and forced to leave the decision over her future
[whether she or her baby must be saved, if a medical
choice has to be made about which of the two should stay alive] into the hands of her 18 years son, whom she
doubtless doesn’t want to burden with something he doesn’t understand at all!
MOTHER AND SON/VISCOUNT AND DOWAGER VISCOUNTESS
The death trauma [since both watched father and husband die]
and the Childbirth trauma [see above] are only the Beginning.
More to come:, which is particularly a burden for the 18 years old
Anthony.
Not yet recovered from the shock of his father’s sudden death
and having faced his mother near death during childbirth, it is
not an exaggeration to say that his carefree youth is over.
Normally you get some support and warmth from your mother,
but not in Anthony’s case.
That’s not completely Violet’s fault.
In the first period after her husband’s death she is so consumed
with grief, that she is incapable to do anything.
However understandable the deep mourning of Violet, that’s a heavy burden for young Anthony,
who not only becomes the new Viscount and the legal Head
of the Family, what makes him responsible for his 7 brothers and sisters.
And of course he has to manage the whole Estate and has the duty to marry his off sisters. [9]
And on top of that, he had to take care for his 7 brothers and
sisters, a task that normally his mother had to perform.
REPEATING:
So in the initial period Anthony not only had to do his legal
obligations, a heavy burden on an inexperienced young man
of 18 years, but also to fulfil his mother’s care for his brothers and
sisters.
In modern terms we call that
Parentification [10]
You’d think his mother would have appreciated his efforts and showed it,
but that was not the case.
Not only she was too much drown in her own continuing grief,
that she took everything he did for granted, in most
cases she was cold, heartless and demanding to him, while
tender to her other children, especially her eldest daughter Daphne.
Definitely not out of lack of love [she loved him deeply in her heart],
but due to her unresolved grief, social panic [I come to that],
her new position as a widow [Dowager Viscountess] and yet another, strange factor.
For a strong willed woman like Violet it wasn’t easy to accept that, as Head of the Family, Anthony is now managing the Family Estates, while his mother is financially subordinate, when her income failed.
Violet and her inability to comfort her also grieving son and the fact, that in Regency Era a slightest mistake could lead to social death [11],
produced a very toxic Mother-Son relationship, since they also were
Viscount and Dowager Viscountess.
And although Violet wanted her son to be a ”strong leader” [easier
for her to remain mourning or hiding behind her mourning role when it fitted her. as became clear], she treated him as a 12 years old boy, often
scolding him as if he were little….
GROWING TENSIONS
Violet not only showed little or no appreciation for all the work Anthony did to hold the Estate in good order, she had no eye at all for his personal
needs and desires and didn’t seem to understand, that an already burdened young man [at the age of 18 years] needs to make some pleasure
too.
So she constantly reminded him of his duties, and not only that:
She continually blackmailed him emotionally with his father,
pointing out that his father did things so much better [yes, it is strange:
he had a yearlong experience] and as nothing helped anymore, she
blackmailed him with the ”marriage prospects” of his sisters….[12]
SIENA ROSSO
With a dysfunctional, toxic and strained relationship you’d think it
couldn’t get any worse.
BUT IT CAN!
IN FACT:
What happened next is nearly the breaking point in the relationship
between Anthony and his mother.
Had she pushed a little harder [for example by chasing Siena
out of the town], had Anthony possessed more of his sister Eloise’s rebellious character [13] it would have resulted in a break…..
At a certain point, Anthony fell desperately in love with opera singer Siena Rosso [14].
And I say ”desperately”, because a possible marriage with an opera singer
was a no go in Regency Era, leading to immediate social death
to the whole Bridgerton Family, especially because Anthony was the
Head of the Family [15]
And Violet discovered that [16]
And what is her reaction?
PURE HORROR!
Look, I can understand her social panic, since a deep
involvement and certainly a marriage between an aristocrat and
an opera singer will inevitably lead to social ruin, not only for
Anthony, but for the whole Bridgerton Family.
So her FEAR of social death or ruin is justified.
But that is not my point.
DEHUMANIZATION
My point is Violet’s total lack of motherly care and her nearly
inhuman approach of the situation.
In factm speaking about Siena Rosso she acts as if she is not
a human being, but just a ”threat” that must be eliminated.
When she first confronts Anthony about Siena’s existence
in his life, she refers to ”a certain soprano”[18], so reducing
the living woman to her occupation, which is worse
because not seeing her as a human being, but also
opera singers were not considered ”immoral women” [19]
Now if you only think so, that’s your business.
[I think it was a combination of fear of social death and personal
disapproval of her and her occupation, not worth a Viscount.]
But to speak to your son about the woman he has an affair with like this
and not realizing [even when it was not love, it was painful to hear] how
it hurts him I think it’s unforgivable
And from that moment, she lost no opportunity to remind him
of his duties., with the usual emotional blackmail with his dead father, working on his feelings of guilt.
Apparently it didn’t cross her mind, that it could be love and she
not only emotionally blackmailed him, she dismissed his love for Siena as a mere ”infatuation” or something to be ashamed of. [19A]
That was the more painful since his sister Daphne was also deeply
in love with his best friend Simon Basset, but was allowed to marry for love, since Simon came from the same social standing, being a Duke [20]
So of course his resentment against his mother grew and certainly
he didn’t trust her supposedly conditional love [in reality she loved him
, but understandably Anthony didn’t see it that way, because she didn’t show it at all] [21]
There were three occasions on which she clearly showed her heartlessness
IN HIS OFFICE ”A CERTAIN SOPRANO”
The first time Violet confronts Anthony she [firstly talking about
other things] says literally
Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
”
Whether she then realizes, that Anthony has serious feelings for Siena [ she does realize it latr [23] is not important here.
She knows that what she says is hurtful, because she deliberately
demonizes her by refusing to mention her name.
And again:
It’s unforgivable to hurt your son like that for there are a thousand ways
to say that you find an affair unfitting without deliberately inflicting pain.
That’s what I so dislike about Violet’s attitude, making her ”pleas for love” in Season 2 so hypocritical [24], especially since in Season 1 she constantly
annoyed Anthony with her obsession with ”duty” and his ”dead father”……
AT A SOCIETY EVENT ”NEEDLEWORK”
And of course Violet tried it again [that woman never stops!]
At a Society Event, where Siena was asked to sing, Anthony stared
longingly and emotionally at her.
Violet saw him staring and probably realizing that it was
not an ”infatuation”, but something much deeper and that her sabotage tactic didn’t work [after the
”certain soprano” incident Anthony broke up with Siena but
they came together again/It was an on/off relationship, but longstanding],
she ”presented” to him two of the most silly marriage candidates, which he, of course, rejected! [25]
A Hilarious Scene.
One of the ”marriage candidates” was praised by Violet for her needlework!
Watch under note 26
And Violet wouldn”t be Violet if she hadn’t had the last word:
This was what she said [Admittedly, in a worried and sad tone:
”You’ll end up alone, with such expectations” [27]
[Anthony had presented to her rather impossible demands
for a marriage candidate, because he couldn’t tell her what she
already knew: that his heart was occupied elsewhere already….] [28]
AGAIN IN HIS OFFICE/ONE OF THOSE CONFRONTATIONS
Since Violet is a woman who keeps pushing, here is one of her
confrontations again.
At another occasion she approaches Anthony again about his
”passions” or ”distractions” [or whatever she calls it] , blackmails him again with his dead fathers, mentions [not totally unjustified] the
marriage prospects of his sisters [29] and of course there is that
demonization again, mentioning his love affair as if it were something
sordid….[30]
EMOTIONAL GAP BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON/
THE DUEL
To illustrate how wide the emotional gap between mother and son was
I will tell the following:
After the duel with his best friend Simon Basset for the honor of his sister Daphne [31][that never was thanks to Daphne”s intervention [32], Anthony comes home.
and when he enters the
living room his mother hardly looks at him and begins nagging and chattering
about the lace for Daphne’s wedding dress, not even knowing how
near to death her son had been. [33]
Should she have paid any attention to him instead of meaningless chattering
about a wedding dress ”approved by the Ton” [34], she would have seen
the state of mind he was in.
Now he had to cope with his emotional loneliness, desperate love and emotional neglect by his mother, who didn’t even realize or know that she could have received a message of his death without even knowing that he was going to duel, something Siena did know. [35]
In those times, Siena’s house was home to him, not the House where
his mother lived.
Siena’s House meant warmth, love and an Open Hearth, Violet’s Place [which was his
house of course] meant coldness, rejection and heartlessness, despite
her undeniable love for him. [36]
That was the most tragic of all……
AT LAST
I’VE SACRIFIED EVERYTHING
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [37]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
The Outburst ”I’VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING” against Violet
in Season 2 is the result of Violet’s yearlong emotional neglect and nagging about ”duties” and especially her emotional sabotage which costed him dearly:
His love for Siena [38], which was an enormous blow.
The attitude of his mother was cold and heartless and the only person
who really comforted him was his close friend Simon, now Daphne’s husband. [39]
The Outburst ”ÉVERYTHING” referred to the heartbreak over Siena…..[40]
THE SEED AND THE HARVEST/CONCLUSION
Some people may defend Violet and say that she had no choice
with her hard stance in the Siena Rosso Affair, because of the real threat of social exclusion, leading to social death [41]
Others will say that she acted with the best intentions.
TWO THINGS
FIRST
Although her fear of social death was real [42], there is a difference between
not wishing someone in your or your son’s life and downright dehumanization and making your son feel that he must be ashamed of his feelings [43]
The things Violet said about Siena Rosso were dehumanizing, hateful and mean [44]
And the worst part was, that she didn’t seem to care or realize how much she was hurting her son.
And neither fear of social exclusion nor unresolved grief was an excuse for that!
SECOND
Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.
And besides:
Did she ever think of alternatives, such as getting married and leaving the country?
Then Benedict could fulfill Anthony’s tasks.
It is just a thought, but she should have thought ”out of the box”
If for no other reason than that there is more to life than a family name, no matter how important, like your child’s happiness.
But I suspect she didn’t even consider it, because she felt he had to sacrifice himself for the greater good, leaving him alone in his heartbreak
HOWEVER:
She paid the price by watching his cold behaviour towards her in Season 2,
a price she had to pay, saving the Viscount and almost losing her son
I wonder if he really forgave her in Season 2, since her excuses were selective [46]
The Dehumanization: By not mentioning her by name (“a certain soprano”), Violet turned Siena into an object, a scandal, rather than the woman her son loved.
HET BRUIDSKANT VAN VIOLET/BELANGRIJKER DAN HET HARTZEER VAN HAAR ZOON…
VIOLET BRIDGERTON/KRITIEK/HET BRUIDSKANT EN DE DOOD/VIOLET”S REALITEIT VERSUS ANTHONY’S WANHOOP
””Ik denk, dat op DAT moment de emotionele Kloof tussen moeder Violet en zoon Anthony het grootst was.
Hij, nog natrillend van de adrenaline en zijn bijna dood ervaring, de kamer binnenkomend
en zij, zijn moeder, die niet eens naar hem kijkt, niets opmerkt, verloren in haar status-sociale droom van het ”Society Huwelijk van dochter Daphne….”
”Het meest schokkende in de emotionele kloof tussen moeder Violet en zoon
Anthony was de scene waarin hij na het duel [dat nooit had plaatsgehad
vanwege de moedige interventie van Daphne] [40], thuiskomt, nog natrillend
van de adrenaline omdat hij de dood in het aangezicht heeft gezien…..[41]
Hij komt dus de kamer binnen en treft Violet aan, midden tussen stoffen
voor het aanstaande huwelijk van zijn zuster Daphne.
Zijn moeder kijkt nauwelijks op en zegt iets als ”O ben je daar”, we moeten
beslissen welk soort kant Daphne zal dragen op haar huwelijksdag” en ze
voegt er ook nog aan toe hoe ”belangrijk” dat wel niet is….[42]
Voor de emotionele ontreddering van haar zoon heeft zij totaal geen oog …….”
Anthony’s Realiteit: Hij heeft zojuist oog in oog gestaan met de dood. Hij was bereid te sterven om de eer van zijn familie (en die van Daphne) te verdedigen, maar ook om te ontsnappen aan de onmogelijke druk die op zijn schouders rust. Hij keert naar huis terug als een man die mentaal en emotioneel “op” is.
Violet’s Realiteit: Zij zit letterlijk te midden van luxe, omringd door zijde en kant, en maakt zich zorgen over de uiterlijke schijn van Daphne’s naderende bruiloft.
De Confrontatie (De Sfeer)
Wanneer Anthony de kamer binnenkomt, is hij lijkbleek en diep geraakt. Violet kijkt nauwelijks op van de stoffen en zegt iets in de geest van: “Anthony, daar ben je. We moeten beslissen over het kant voor Daphne’s japon. Het is een zaak van groot belang.”
In jouw woorden: zij zeurt over kant terwijl hij letterlijk de dood in de ogen heeft gekeken.
Waarom dit “Afstotelijk” is in jouw Analyse:
Het Totale Gebrek aan Intuïtie: Als moeder claimt Violet altijd te weten wat haar kinderen nodig hebben. Hier faalt haar moederinstinct echter volkomen. Ze ziet de “Viscount” die zijn plicht vervult, maar ze ziet de zoon over het hoofd die bijna zijn leven gaf.
De Prijs van Haar Druk: Zoals je terecht opmerkt, was zijn “doodswens” deels het gevolg van haar constante druk. Zij manoeuvreerde hem in een positie waarin hij geloofde dat een duel de enige eervolle uitweg was. Het feit dat zij alleen oog heeft voor Daphne’s jurk, maakt haar mede-verantwoordelijk voor zijn diepe eenzaamheid op dat moment.
De Nabije Catastrofe: Zoals je al zei: ze had het nieuws van zijn overlijden kunnen ontvangen zonder dat ze wist dat hij in gevaar was. Dit is de ultieme vorm van emotionele afstand.
De Kern van de Zaak
Deze scène legt de leegte bloot van Violet’s “goede bedoelingen”. Terwijl zij zich voorbereidt op een feest van kant en zijde, is haar oudste zoon een schim van een man. Hij is gebroken door precies de wereld die zij zo druk aan het versieren is.
Anthony’s Reality: He has just stood face-to-face with death. He was prepared to die to defend his family’s honor (and Daphne’s), but also to escape the impossible pressure resting on his shoulders. He returns home as a man who is mentally and emotionally “spent.”
Violet’s Reality: She is literally sitting amidst luxury, surrounded by silk and lace, worrying about the outward appearances of Daphne’s upcoming wedding.
The Confrontation (The Atmosphere)
When Anthony enters the room, he is deathly pale and shaken. Violet hardly looks up from the fabrics, saying something to the effect of: “Anthony, there you are. We must decide on the lace for Daphne’s gown. It is a matter of great importance.”
In your words: she is nagging about lace while he has literally looked death in the eye.
Why this is “Repulsive” in your Analysis:
The Total Lack of Intuition: As a mother, Violet always claims to know what her children need, but here, her maternal instinct fails completely. She sees the “Viscount” performing his duty, but she fails to see the son who nearly gave his life.
The Price of Her Pressure: As you correctly point out, his “death wish” was partly the result of her constant pressure. She maneuvered him into a position where he believed a duel was the only honorable way out. The fact that she only has eyes for Daphne’s dress makes her co-responsible for his profound loneliness at that moment.
The Near-Catastrophe: As you said: she could have received news of his death without even knowing he was in danger. This is the ultimate form of emotional distance.
The Bottom Line: This scene exposes the hollowness of Violet’s “good intentions.” While she prepares for a celebration of lace and silk, her eldest son is a ghost of a man, broken by the very world she is so busily decorating.
Anthony’s Reality: He has just stood face-to-face with death. He was prepared to die to defend his family’s honor (and Daphne’s), but also to escape the impossible pressure resting on his shoulders. He returns home as a man who is mentally and emotionally “spent.”
Violet’s Reality: She is literally sitting amidst luxury, surrounded by silk and lace, worrying about the outward appearances of Daphne’s upcoming wedding.
The Confrontation (The Atmosphere)
When Anthony enters the room, he is deathly pale and shaken. Violet hardly looks up from the fabrics, saying something to the effect of: “Anthony, there you are. We must decide on the lace for Daphne’s gown. It is a matter of great importance.”
In your words: she is nagging about lace while he has literally looked death in the eye.
Why this is “Repulsive” in your Analysis:
The Total Lack of Intuition: As a mother, Violet always claims to know what her children need, but here, her maternal instinct fails completely. She sees the “Viscount” performing his duty, but she fails to see the son who nearly gave his life.
The Price of Her Pressure: As you correctly point out, his “death wish” was partly the result of her constant pressure. She maneuvered him into a position where he believed a duel was the only honorable way out. The fact that she only has eyes for Daphne’s dress makes her co-responsible for his profound loneliness at that moment.
The Near-Catastrophe: As you said: she could have received news of his death without even knowing he was in danger. This is the ultimate form of emotional distance.
The Bottom Line: This scene exposes the hollowness of Violet’s “good intentions.” While she prepares for a celebration of lace and silk, her eldest son is a ghost of a man, broken by the very world she is so busily decorating.
Anthony’s Reality: He has just stood face-to-face with death. He was prepared to die to defend his family’s honor (and Daphne’s), but also to escape the impossible pressure resting on his shoulders. He returns home as a man who is mentally and emotionally “spent.”
Violet’s Reality: She is literally sitting amidst luxury, surrounded by silk and lace, worrying about the outward appearances of Daphne’s upcoming wedding.
The Confrontation (The Atmosphere)
When Anthony enters the room, he is deathly pale and shaken. Violet hardly looks up from the fabrics, saying something to the effect of: “Anthony, there you are. We must decide on the lace for Daphne’s gown. It is a matter of great importance.”
In your words: she is nagging about lace while he has literally looked death in the eye.
Why this is “Repulsive” in your Analysis:
The Total Lack of Intuition: As a mother, Violet always claims to know what her children need, but here, her maternal instinct fails completely. She sees the “Viscount” performing his duty, but she fails to see the son who nearly gave his life.
The Price of Her Pressure: As you correctly point out, his “death wish” was partly the result of her constant pressure. She maneuvered him into a position where he believed a duel was the only honorable way out. The fact that she only has eyes for Daphne’s dress makes her co-responsible for his profound loneliness at that moment.
The Near-Catastrophe: As you said: she could have received news of his death without even knowing he was in danger. This is the ultimate form of emotional distance.
The Bottom Line: This scene exposes the hollowness of Violet’s “good intentions.” While she prepares for a celebration of lace and silk, her eldest son is a ghost of a man, broken by the very world she is so busily decorating.
HET BRUIDSKANT VAN VIOLET/BELANGRIJKER DAN HET HARTZEER VAN HAAR ZOON…
HET BRUIDSKANT EN DE DOOD/VIOLET”S REALITEIT/ANTHONY”S WANHOOP
””Ik denk, dat op DAT moment de emotionele Kloof tussen moeder Violet en zoon Anthony het grootst was.
Hij, nog natrillend van de adrenaline en zijn bijna dood ervaring, de kamer binnenkomend
en zij, zijn moeder, die niet eens naar hem kijkt, niets opmerkt, verloren in haar status-sociale droom van het ”Society Huwelijk van dochter Daphne….”
”Het meest schokkende in de emotionele kloof tussen moeder Violet en zoon
Anthony was de scene waarin hij na het duel [dat nooit had plaatsgehad
vanwege de moedige interventie van Daphne] [40], thuiskomt, nog natrillend
van de adrenaline omdat hij de dood in het aangezicht heeft gezien…..[41]
Hij komt dus de kamer binnen en treft Violet aan, midden tussen stoffen
voor het aanstaande huwelijk van zijn zuster Daphne.
Zijn moeder kijkt nauwelijks op en zegt iets als ”O ben je daar”, we moeten
beslissen welk soort kant Daphne zal dragen op haar huwelijksdag” en ze
voegt er ook nog aan toe hoe ”belangrijk” dat wel niet is….[42]
Voor de emotionele ontreddering van haar zoon heeft zij totaal geen oog …….”
Anthony’s Realiteit: Hij heeft zojuist oog in oog gestaan met de dood. Hij was bereid te sterven om de eer van zijn familie (en die van Daphne) te verdedigen, maar ook om te ontsnappen aan de onmogelijke druk die op zijn schouders rust. Hij keert naar huis terug als een man die mentaal en emotioneel “op” is.
Violet’s Realiteit: Zij zit letterlijk te midden van luxe, omringd door zijde en kant, en maakt zich zorgen over de uiterlijke schijn van Daphne’s naderende bruiloft.
De Confrontatie (De Sfeer)
Wanneer Anthony de kamer binnenkomt, is hij lijkbleek en diep geraakt. Violet kijkt nauwelijks op van de stoffen en zegt iets in de geest van: “Anthony, daar ben je. We moeten beslissen over het kant voor Daphne’s japon. Het is een zaak van groot belang.”
In jouw woorden: zij zeurt over kant terwijl hij letterlijk de dood in de ogen heeft gekeken.
Waarom dit “Afstotelijk” is in jouw Analyse:
Het Totale Gebrek aan Intuïtie: Als moeder claimt Violet altijd te weten wat haar kinderen nodig hebben. Hier faalt haar moederinstinct echter volkomen. Ze ziet de “Viscount” die zijn plicht vervult, maar ze ziet de zoon over het hoofd die bijna zijn leven gaf.
De Prijs van Haar Druk: Zoals je terecht opmerkt, was zijn “doodswens” deels het gevolg van haar constante druk. Zij manoeuvreerde hem in een positie waarin hij geloofde dat een duel de enige eervolle uitweg was. Het feit dat zij alleen oog heeft voor Daphne’s jurk, maakt haar mede-verantwoordelijk voor zijn diepe eenzaamheid op dat moment.
De Nabije Catastrofe: Zoals je al zei: ze had het nieuws van zijn overlijden kunnen ontvangen zonder dat ze wist dat hij in gevaar was. Dit is de ultieme vorm van emotionele afstand.
De Kern van de Zaak
Deze scène legt de leegte bloot van Violet’s “goede bedoelingen”. Terwijl zij zich voorbereidt op een feest van kant en zijde, is haar oudste zoon een schim van een man. Hij is gebroken door precies de wereld die zij zo druk aan het versieren is.
[Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.]
Violet: “Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
LADY VIOLET TO HER SON ANTHONY
[1AA]
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [1A]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
HALLO FOLKS,
How are you today, my loyal Readers [HAHAHA]
As you know, I already wrote a lot about Bridgerton [1] and I intend to write more.
And although I’m planning to write about Anthony Bridgerton’s emotional state [Season 1 and 2], the non existing ”Ghost of Edmund” [Season 2] and whether he forgave his mother Violet after her selective excuses in Season 2 [2],
it suddenly struck me that, although I mentioned her crucial role a lot in
other posts [3], I never dedicated a special piece about Lady Violet’s role in the heartbreaking end of the love affair between Anthony Bridgerton
and opera singer Siena Rosso.
And with my weakness for impossible love affairs it is high time to delve deeper into La Violet’s [destructive] role in the Siena Rosso
Affair………. [4]
Perhaps this is not my last Post about this
We’ll see…..
LET’S GO!
LADY VIOLET AND HER SON ANTHONY
THE SEEDS OF TRAUMA
To smart viewers of the Bridgerton series it is crystal clear, that the
completely poisoned and strained relationship between mother Violet
and son Anthony in Season 2, uttering in Anthony’s coldness against his mother [5] stems directly from Anthony’s heartbreak
over the break up with Siena Rosso and his mother’s destructive role [6]
But to be fair:
Their bad relationship didn’t start with the Siena Rosso Affair, but had its roots
in their shared, painful past, going back to the death of Anthony’s father Edmund.
LET’S GO
We see an 18 years old Anthony, watching his father die, causing a trauma and his [pregnant] mother
lost in sorrow, what makes him not only Head of the Family [because of his father’s death, meaning managing the whole Estate and being the
legal guardian of his 7 brothers and sisters ] [7], but
since his mother was initially drowned in her deep mourning, also
burdening with the care of his 7 brothers and sisters.
Moreover, as the Head of the Family, he had to choose, at the difficult birth of his sister Hyacinth [8], between the
life of his mother and his sister [luckily they both survived childbirth, while he ordered the doctor to save them both]
A heavy burden for an 18 year old…..
But you can imagine also Violet’s perspective, also watching her husband
[and Anthony’s father] die [whom she loved very much], pregnant, knowing her new baby will never see its father, struggling through a
dangerous childbirth and forced to leave the decision over her future
[whether she or her baby must be saved, if a medical
choice has to be made about which of the two should stay alive] into the hands of her 18 years son, whom she
doubtless doesn’t want to burden with something he doesn’t understand at all!
MOTHER AND SON/VISCOUNT AND DOWAGER VISCOUNTESS
The death trauma [since both watched father and husband die]
and the Childbirth trauma [see above] are only the Beginning.
More to come:, which is particularly a burden for the 18 years old
Anthony.
Not yet recovered from the shock of his father’s sudden death
and having faced his mother near death during childbirth, it is
not an exaggeration to say that his carefree youth is over.
Normally you get some support and warmth from your mother,
but not in Anthony’s case.
That’s not completely Violet’s fault.
In the first period after her husband’s death she is so consumed
with grief, that she is incapable to do anything.
However understandable the deep mourning of Violet, that’s a heavy burden for young Anthony,
who not only becomes the new Viscount and the legal Head
of the Family, what makes him legally responsible for his 7 brothers and sisters.
And of course he has to manage the whole Estate and has the duty to marry his off sisters. [9]
And on top of that, he had to take care for his 7 brothers and
sisters, a task that normally his mother had to perform.
REPEATING:
So in the initial period Anthony not only had to do his legal
obligations, a heavy burden on an inexperienced young man
of 18 years, but also to fulfil his mother’s care for his brothers and
sisters.
In modern terms we call that
Parentification [10]
You’d think his mother would have appreciated his efforts and showed it,
but that was not the case.
Not only she was too much drown in her own continuing grief,
that she took everything he did for granted, in most
cases she was cold, heartless and demanding to him, while
tender to her other children, especially her eldest daughter Daphne.
Definitely not out of lack of love [she loved him deeply in her heart],
but due to her unresolved grief, social panic [I come to that],
her new position as a widow [Dowager Viscountess] and yet another, strange factor.
For a strong willed woman like Violet it wasn’t easy to accept that, as Head of the Family, Anthony is now managing the Family Estates, while his mother is financially subordinate, when her income failed.
Violet and her inability to comfort her also grieving son and the fact, that in Regency Era a slightest mistake could lead to social death [11],
produced a very toxic Mother-Son relationship, since they also were
Viscount and Dowager Viscountess.
And although Violet wanted her son to be a ”strong leader” [easier
for her to remain mourning or hiding behind her mourning role when it fitted her. as became clear], she treated him as a 12 years old boy, often
scolding him as if he were little….
GROWING TENSIONS
Violet not only showed little or no appreciation for all the work Anthony did to hold the Estate in good order, she had no eye at all for his personal
needs and desires and didn’t seem to understand, that an already burdened young man [at the age of 18 years] needs to make some pleasure
too.
So she constantly reminded him of his duties, and not only that:
She continually blackmailed him emotionally with his father,
pointing out that his father did things so much better [yes, it is strange:
he had a yearlong experience] and as nothing helped anymore, she
blackmailed him with the ”marriage prospects” of his sisters….[12]
SIENA ROSSO
With a dysfunctional, toxic and strained relationship you’d think it
couldn’t get any worse.
BUT IT CAN!
IN FACT:
What happened next is nearly the breaking point in the relationship
between Anthony and his mother.
Had she pushed a little harder [for example by chasing Siena
out of the town], had Anthony possessed more of his sister Eloise’s rebellious character [13] it would have resulted in a break…..
At a certain point, Anthony fell desperately in love with opera singer Siena Rosso [14].
And I say ”desperately”, because a possible marriage with an opera singer
was a no go in Regency Era, leading to immediate social death
to the whole Bridgerton Family, especially because Anthony was the
Head of the Family [15]
And Violet discovered that [16]
And what is her reaction?
PURE HORROR!
Look, I can understand her social panic, since a deep
involvement and certainly a marriage between an aristocrat and
an opera singer will inevitably lead to social ruin, not only for
Anthony, but for the whole Bridgerton Family.
So her FEAR of social death or ruin is justified.
But that is not my point.
DEHUMANIZATION
My point is Violet’s total lack of motherly care and her nearly
inhuman approach of the situation.
In factm speaking about Siena Rosso she acts as if she is not
a human being, but just a ”threat” that must be eliminated.
When she first confronts Anthony about Siena’s existence
in his life, she refers to ”a certain soprano”[18], so reducing
the living woman to her occupation, which is worse
because not seeing her as a human being, but also
opera singers were not considered ”immoral women” [19]
Now if you only think so, that’s your business.
[I think it was a combination of fear of social death and personal
disapproval of her and her occupation, not worth a Viscount.]
But to speak to your son about the woman he has an affair with like this
and not realizing [even when it was not love, it was painful to hear] how
it hurts him I think it’s unforgivable
And from that moment, she lost no opportunity to remind him
of his duties., with the usual emotional blackmail with his dead father, working on his feelings of guilt.
Apparently it didn’t cross her mind, that it could be love and she
not only emotionally blackmailed him, she dismissed his love for Siena as a mere ”infatuation” or something to be ashamed of. [19A]
That was the more painful since his sister Daphne was also deeply
in love with his best friend Simon Basset, but was allowed to marry for love, since Simon came from the same social standing, being a Duke [20]
So of course his resentment against his mother grew and certainly
he didn’t trust her supposedly conditional love [in reality she loved him
, but understandably Anthony didn’t see it that way, because she didn’t show it at all] [21]
There were three occasions on which she clearly showed her heartlessness
IN HIS OFFICE ”A CERTAIN SOPRANO”
The first time Violet confronts Anthony she [firstly talking about
other things] says literally
Are you actually returning to your bachelor lodgings in the city, or is there a certain soprano you intend to visit?”
”
Whether she then realizes, that Anthony has serious feelings for Siena [ she does realize it latr [23] is not important here.
She knows that what she says is hurtful, because she deliberately
demonizes her by refusing to mention her name.
And again:
It’s unforgivable to hurt your son like that for there are a thousand ways
to say that you find an affair unfitting without deliberately inflicting pain.
That’s what I so dislike about Violet’s attitude, making her ”pleas for love” in Season 2 so hypocritical [24], especially since in Season 1 she constantly
annoyed Anthony with her obsession with ”duty” and his ”dead father”……
AT A SOCIETY EVENT ”NEEDLEWORK”
And of course Violet tried it again [that woman never stops!]
At a Society Event, where Siena was asked to sing, Anthony stared
longingly and emotionally at her.
Violet saw him staring and probably realizing that it was
not an ”infatuation”, but something much deeper and that her sabotage tactic didn’t work [after the
”certain soprano” incident Anthony broke up with Siena but
they came together again/It was an on/off relationship, but longstanding],
she ”presented” to him two of the most silly marriage candidates, which he, of course, rejected! [25]
A Hilarious Scene.
One of the ”marriage candidates” was praised by Violet for her needlework!
Watch under note 26
And Violet wouldn”t be Violet if she hadn’t had the last word:
This was what she said [Admittedly, in a worried and sad tone:
”You’ll end up alone, with such expectations” [27]
[Anthony had presented to her rather impossible demands
for a marriage candidate, because he couldn’t tell her what she
already knew: that his heart was occupied elsewhere already….] [28]
AGAIN IN HIS OFFICE/ONE OF THOSE CONFRONTATIONS
Since Violet is a woman who keeps pushing, here is one of her
confrontations again.
At another occasion she approaches Anthony again about his
”passions” or ”distractions” [or whatever she calls it] , blackmails him again with his dead fathers, mentions [not totally unjustified] the
marriage prospects of his sisters [29] and of course there is that
demonization again, mentioning his love affair as if it were something
sordid….[30]
EMOTIONAL GAP BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON/
THE DUEL
To illustrate how wide the emotional gap between mother and son was
I will tell the following:
After the duel with his best friend Simon Basset for the honor of his sister Daphne [31][that never was thanks to Daphne”s intervention [32], Anthony comes home.
and when he enters the
living room his mother hardly looks at him and begins nagging and chattering
about the lace for Daphne’s wedding dress, not even knowing how
near to death her son had been. [33]
Should she have paid any attention to him instead of meaningless chattering
about a wedding dress ”approved by the Ton” [34], she would have seen
the state of mind he was in.
Now he had to cope with his emotional loneliness, desperate love and emotional neglect by his mother, who didn’t even realize or know that she could have received a message of his death without even knowing that he was going to duel, something Siena did know. [35]
In those times, Siena’s house was home to him, not the House where
his mother lived.
Siena’s House meant warmth, love and an Open Hearth, Violet’s Place [which was his
house of course] meant coldness, rejection and heartlessness, despite
her undeniable love for him. [36]
That was the most tragic of all……
AT LAST
I’VE SACRIFIED EVERYTHING
”Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [37]
OUTBURST OF ANTHONY AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET
[SEASON 2]
The Outburst ”I’VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING” against Violet
in Season 2 is the result of Violet’s yearlong emotional neglect and nagging about ”duties” and especially her emotional sabotage which costed him dearly:
His love for Siena [38], which was an enormous blow.
The attitude of his mother was cold and heartless and the only person
who really comforted him was his close friend Simon, now Daphne’s husband. [39]
The Outburst ”ÉVERYTHING” referred to the heartbreak over Siena…..[40]
THE SEED AND THE HARVEST/CONCLUSION
Some people may defend Violet and say that she had no choice
with her hard stance in the Siena Rosso Affair, because of the real threat of social exclusion, leading to social death [41]
Others will say that she acted with the best intentions.
TWO THINGS
FIRST
Although her fear of social death was real [42], there is a difference between
not wishing someone in your or your son’s life and downright dehumanization and making your son feel that he must be ashamed of his feelings [43]
The things Violet said about Siena Rosso were dehumanizing, hateful and mean [44]
And the worst part was, that she didn’t seem to care or realize how much she was hurting her son.
And neither fear of social exclusion nor unresolved grief was an excuse for that!
SECOND
Maybe Violet really thought she was acting with the best intentions, but that’s not good enough.
At some point she must have seen the hurt expression on her son’s face, but she turned a blind eye to it, even when she could have known that his ”Affair” was far more than an ”infatuation” [45]
And besides:
At some point it is of no importance anymore, whether your intentions
are good or bad.
Inflicting severe pain on someone is still inflicting severe pain, whatever the intentions.
And besides:
Did she ever think of alternatives, such as getting married and leaving the country?
Then Benedict could fulfill Anthony’s tasks.
It is just a thought, but she should have thought ”out of the box”
If for no other reason than that there is more to life than a family name, no matter how important, like your child’s happiness.
But I suspect she didn’t even consider it, because she felt he had to sacrifice himself for the greater good, leaving him alone in his heartbreak
HOWEVER:
She paid the price by watching his cold behaviour towards her in Season 2,
a price she had to pay, saving the Viscount and almost losing her son
I wonder if he really forgave her in Season 2, since her excuses were selective [46]
The Dehumanization: By not mentioning her by name (“a certain soprano”), Violet turned Siena into an object, a scandal, rather than the woman her son loved.
