and after this Post I plan to do far more.
sister Daphne and her husband [and Anthony’s closest friend] Simon Basset at the end of Season 1 [2]
I posted about Anthony’s painful anti love decision earlier [3], but now I want to go deeper in his mind about this.
ANTHONY, HIS MOTHER VIOLET/STRAINED RELATIONSHIP AND EMOTIONAL GAP, CULMINATING IN A DEATH WISH…..
Come with me…………..
We see an 18 years old Anthony, watching his father die, causing a trauma and his [pregnant] mother
lost in sorrow, what makes him not only Head of the Family [because of his father’s death, meaning managing the whole Estate and being the
burdening with the care of his 7 brothers and sisters.
Moreover, as the legal guardian of the Family [including his mother], he had to choose, at the difficult birth of his sister Hyacinth [4A], between the
life of his mother and his sister [luckily they both survived childbirth, while he ordered the doctor to save them both]
A heavy burden for an 18 year old…..
And as his mother arises from her mourning, tensions arise between them, because of several reasons.
unreasonable sacrifices from him, since he is the new Viscount.
It is the stern and cruel way she does this.
unreasonably strict and sometimes utterly cruel against him. [6]
Unintentionally, admittedly, but that is not of importance.
When the burden, laid upon someone, is too heavy, then it matters not whether the intentions are good or bad.
An unreasonable burden and absence of tenderness remain damaging.
Things are more complicated by the fact, that Anthony is the legal guardian of his mother and for a strong-willed woman like Violet
to fulfill.
[yes, strange isn’t it? Anthony is just learning, his father did it his whole life] [8]
All those things together: trauma because watching the death of your father, the burden of maintaining a household and managing Estates, a mother who
emotionally neglects you and is sabotaging the woman you love, including
a duel challenge to your best friend:
All those things are enough to cause
an emotional breakdown.
What also painfully reflects their cool and strained relationship is
the Duel Affair.
When Anthony challenges his closest friend Simon
for a Duel for the honour of his sister Daphne [9], his own
mother doesn’t know at all, while he spends the night before
the Duel with opera singer Siena with whom he is so deeply in love [10] that he makes his brother Benedict, his second at the duel
swear to take care of Siena, if he dies in the duel[In those days a Duel was a Matter of Life or Death] [11]
So his last thoughts were for his beloved [12], not for his brothers and
sisters or even his mother, although he must have felt how his death would
have devastated her……
And when he survives and arrives at home again, still full of adrenaline,
his mother hardly notices his tension and nags about the lace for the
wedding of Daphne……..[13]
Can you imagine a greater emotional gap?
He, still full of adrenaline [eventually because of Daphne’s intervention,
there was no duel] [14] and his mother babbling about lace…..
She could have received news of his death, not even knowing he was in danger……
Not knowing of his last thoughts for his beloved Siena [15]
Not knowing that he planned to go away with Siena, had he survived
the duel [and killed his best friend….] [16]
Not knowing that, although he wanted to defend the honour of his sister
Daphne in the duel and planning to flee with Siena, had he survived the
duel [17], his duel reasons also stemmed from a deeper death wish [18], caused
unintentionally by his mother’s constant pressure to ”fulfill his duties”,
her dehumanization of his beloved Siena [19] [talk about that later] and the
immense burden being the Head of the Family from the age of 18, suffering
under his mother’s constant emotional neglect……[20]
Trying to combine his duties as the Head of the Family,[ burdened
with the intense pressure of his mother] with his
deep love for Siena and his need to be with her, yet
condemned to an affair ”in the dark” [21] was almost too heavy a burden
to carry, so one of his Duel reasons was the thought that if
he didn’t survive, he was free from his emotional tension.
I think it is unforgivable that Violet, being his mother, had let the
distance between them grow so large, not noticing his desperate
emotional state……[22]
Admittedly, she apologized in Season 2 [although not fully, not for
her destructive role in the Siena love affair, which made the excuses hollow, but that’s for another Post]
[23], but there is pain inflicted that you can not buy off with ”excuses”
no matter how sincere.
EMOTIONAL STATE/TORN BETWEEN HIS ”DUTY” AS A VISCOUNT AND HIS LOVE FOR SIENA, CAUSES NEARLY A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
THE SIENA ROSSO LOVE AFFAIR
I just wrote it:
Due to the unreasonably strict demands of his mother and her constant
emotional blackmail with his dead father, without any appreciation for
his burden as Head of the Family on such a young age [24], Anthony
felt immense pressure, nearly leading to significant emotional
exhaustion.
This led to an extremely strained relationship with his mother, who
on the one hand demanded him to be a ”perfect” Viscount, while on the
other hand treated him as if he were a little boy she had the right to scold [25]
This unsound and bad relationship further detoriated when his
mother Violet discovered her son’s relationship with opera-singer
Siena Rosso, whom he deeply loved. [26]
LOOK
I can still understand that Violet had objections, because of her real
fear of the ”social death” in Regency Era [27], but there is a difference
between social death fear and inhuman behaviour.
And for the dehumanization of a woman your son loves, and even if he
had had only an affair with her [28] is no excuse.
Not a moment she seemed to wonder how her cold behaviour affected her
son and that IS unforgivable!
And you can imagine his State of Mind:
His mother’s constant critic and scrunity, now worsened by her cold
behaviour to the woman he loved and then obliged to keep your
love ”ínto the dark” [29], because it was not only his mother, her behaviour reflected the rules of the Ton in Regency Times! [30]
That whole package of emotional burdens does something to
you.
And then seeing your sister [Daphne] marry happily [and of course
Anthony was happy for her!] and your own love relation is to
be shamed! [31]
Anthony loved Siena. [31A]
Not only they had a longstanding relationship, he wanted to
go away with her, if he survived the duel with his best friend Simon [32]
But the most convincing proof was, that just before the duel would
begin, he let his brother Benedict swear to take care for Siena,
if he would fall in the duel [33]
That’s one of the most touching moments in the Bridgerton series, because
it proved there was true love here.
When you think to live through your last hours, your last thoughts
are for the person you hold most dear [34]
And later, much later in the Story, he was prepared to openly declare war on the Ton by inviting Siena to the Hastings ball, a big Society Event
at his sister Daphne and her husband Simon Basset, Anthony’s
best friend. [35]
If it were only ”lust”, would he have taken such a risk to invoke his
mother’s fury and the Ton’s?
He must have thought:
”Being a Viscount and with my sister Daphne being a Duchess [2nd Duchess of Hastings], people have to accept our relationship”
But it turned out differently”
Because Siena, thinking she would never be part of his world, ended
the relationship, leaving Anthony heartbroken….
She said the heartbreakig words:
”FAREWELL MILORD, I HOPE YOU FIND PERFECTION”
AFTER THE BREAK UP WITH SIENA
After the break-up with Siena [together with the family celebrating the
birth of Simon and Daphne’s first child….], Anthony was in a very,
very dark place.
He burned the program folder of Siena [36] and in his deep sorrow,
his best friend Simon comforted him [37]
He must have felt so lonely…
Of course he could not count on his mother, who would probably
be glad, not for his sorrow of course [what she probably didn’t see or pretended not to see], but that the ”problem” Siena had been solved
and the Bridgerton name saved.
At the expense of her own son, but the damage done she realized
much later, although she never spoke of it]
But fair is fair:
Even if she had tried to comfort him, Anthony probably
would gave furious at her, not wanting to be comforted
by the very person who had an active role in destroying his
happiness……
I’VE FINALLY SET THE COURSE OF MY LIFE. TO FIND A VISCOUNTESS, I SHALL TAKE LOVE OUT OF THE EQUATION.
IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE I DO NOT FAIL THIS FAMILY AGAIN.
[38A]
Those were the words Anthony utterred to Daphne and Simon at the end
of Season 1, after the painful break up with Siena. [38]
The very very moment he was in deep heartbreak, only to be
comforted by his closest friend Simon [39]
And his heartbreak was overwhelming and deep, just hoping to
pull her into his world by his invitation for the Hastings Ball, the Ball
of his sister Daphne and her husband [and best friend] Sinon [40]
He was totally devastated by her rejection, NOT because she didn’t
love him, but BECAUSE she loved him, but understood, that their
love was never to be because of the cruel and inhuman Regency Era standards [41]
To Anthony it was a major blow, not just because of his lost love
[which was heartbreaking] or the Ton standards, but that this was
inflicted by the very person who was supposed to love and protect
him unconditionally and didn’t do that at all! [42]
HIS MOTHER VIOLET, THE SABOTEUR OF HIS GREAT LOVE AND HAPPINESS.
And Yes, I understand her fear for the social death, her deep mourning and her [wrong] assumption, that she ”helped” him by being stern…
But you know, as I said, at a certain moment, whether it concerns love, good intentions or bad intentions, when the
result harms someone, it no longer matters!
But that for another Post!
BACK TO ANTHONY/REJECTION OF LOVE
So he burned the program book of Siena as a symbolic gesture, that
he burned love. [42A]
But he did more:
Not only he uttered those ”love abandon words” to Simon and
Daphne [43], at several occasions he uttered his wish, not only to
abandon love, but to ”marry for duty”
Here are those words:
“Love is the last thing I desire. I am looking for a wife who is suitable, a woman who is a credit to her rank. I do not wish for my heart to be involved in the matter at all.”
“To love is to risk a loss I am no longer prepared to endure. I shall marry for duty, for the sake of the Bridgerton name, and nothing more.”
SELF PROTECTION AND REVENGE
When you are hurt deeply by heartache, and certainly when you
walk with other issues already, like Anthony [44], you have a deep wish never to be hurt again, precisely because you have loved so deeply! [45]
So you protect yourself against pain and create conditions to avoid love.
That was what Anthony did in Season 2! [46]
He coldly calculated and planned a marriage for duty and ”interviewed” [47]
”suitable ladies”, resulting in his Fake courting of Edwina Sharma, a woman suitable for the job, whom he didn’t love [48]
Another Post will be dedicated to that dynamics, as his growing feelings for her sister Kate Sharma [49], whom he eventually marries.
So during Season 2 Siena was loudly present, although her name was
never uttered, in Anthony’s pain, his coldness towards his mother and
his rejection of love. [50]
DAPHNE’S APPROACH
Since his close friend Simon couldn’t support him in Season 2, because
he had to inspect his possessions, Anthony was nearly alone in his misery.
Yet his sister Daphne, Simon’s beloved wife, who had to fight for her
happy life with Simon [51] was a support for him, although he didn’t always appreciate her concern over him.
She was the only one who confronted him at the Pall Mall Gathering
in Season 2, that he was ”afraid” for love and that he was ”afraid losing it”[love she meant] [52A] , directly referring to
his fears of love after the painful heartbreak with Siena [52]
Directly showing to him that she knew [53]
And cared [54]
At a moment his mother Violet was loudly and clearly absent, now
nagging that he had to ”marry for love”, after she effectively had sabotages his love affair with Siena…….[55]
REVENGE ON VIOLET
‘Do not lecture me on my responsibilities! I have spent every waking hour of every day since my father died fulfilling those responsibilities. I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [56]
The enormous heartbreak Anthony suffered from his break up with Siena
led to more than a cold approach to love and marriage.
A direct consequence was also an ice-cold and hard attitude towards
his mother Violet.
AND RIGHTLY SO!
Violet was the woman, who deliberately dehumanized the woman
Anthony loved [57], fully knowing how painful it was for him, constantly nagged about his duties and emotionally blackmailed him with his dead father, giving the impression that whatever
he did, it was never enough. [58]
She gave him the impression, that his love for Siena was something to
be ashamed for [58A] and continually pressured him to date and marry the most silly marriage candidate, to sabotage his loved affair with Siena [59]
Because of her pressure he finished the relationship several times [although he always went back to her], eventually leading to the point that Siena finished the relationship because she saw no future for their love, leaving Anthony heartbroken….
And although I understand Violet’s real fear for social death [60], it is
one thing to have objections and another thing to be downright cruel!
When did she ever comfort him about his heartbreak, although as I said before, he probably would find it hypocritical.
But the point is that she never even tried to take his personal
needs seriously.
And there comes a point that the fact that Violet indeed loved her son deeply and probably thought to ”help” him by being hard, is not enough anymore.
Because wounding someone out of good or bad intentions, is still wounding someone!
And then it is no surprise that he was very cold to her in Season 2, rightly reproaching her sabotage in his love affair and although
she played Violet the innocent, she knew exactly why he was doing what he did!
So his outburst in the dining room ” I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for this family! My youth, my desires, my… my very soul has been dedicated to ensuring the survival of the Bridgerton name!” [61] did! was an
accident waiting to happen!
That EVERYTHING says enough, because that means mainly
his love for Siena.
See also the dramatic words ”My youth, my desires, my… my very soul”
and you, Readers, know enough!
This is not a ”difficult’ young man speaking.
Here speaks a love broken, deeply traumatized man!
Notice that ”EVERYTHING”
He said ”EVERYTHING”
And in that one cry lay all his heartache, the yearlong dehumanization
by his mother and the cruelty of the society…… [61A]
And the reaction of Violet on his outburst is one of sorrow and
grief, because now she can’t ignore nor shame the ”Siena Ghost” anymore
She now has to deal with the fact, how hurt and broken her son is,
not only with her yearlong emotional neglect, but especially with the
pain she inflicted on him in the Siena Rosso Love Affair.
TWO FORMS OF REVENGE
So Anthony’s coldness against his mother is his revenge for the way
she destroyed his deep love affair with Siena [62]
But also his insistment to ”marry for duty” was not only
self protection against his deep love grief because of Siena, but also
to hurt his mother, which is understandable, not only because
of all the pain she inflicted on him, but also because now of a sudden
she wants him to ”marry for love”, while she in Season 1 was nagging and
whining about his ”duties” [63], costing him his happiness with Siena [64A]
No wonder he found her manipulative and hypocritical [64]
THE ANTHONY AND SIENA TRAGEDY
So here we see Anthony as a young man, already traumatized
by his father’s sudden death [he watched him die by a bee sting and
his panic as seen when Kate Sharma was stung by a bee in Season 2],
unintentionally treated harshly and cruelly by his mother’s cold and immense demands, partly resulting in his death wish at the duel against
his best friend Simon Basset [see above] [65]
And if that wasn’t bad enough:
He fell passionately in love and his love was actively destroyed
by his mother and a cruel society.
Yes, we know the understandable objections of Violet
and her eternal mourning for her husband, but that’s no
excuse for cruelty and dehumanization [66]
For that dehumanization, as Violet’s destructive role in
the break up with Siena [blackmailing with his father’s legacy,
shaming his love, etc], Anthony took that cold attitude to
”punish” his mother, which went so far that he often called her
no mother, but ”Dowager Viscountess” [66A]
One could almost feel sorry for Violet, who probably really
believed that she ”helped” Anthony with her harshness…….
AND BECAUSE OF THE DESTRUCTION OF HIS LOVE LIFE,
LEAVING HIM HEARTBROKEN WITHOUT ANY COMFORT EXCEPT
FROM HIS FRIEND SIMON AND SISTER DAPHNE [67], ANTHONY
DECIDED TO MARRY FOR DUTY!
AND HIS SEASON 2 COLDNESS CAME FORTH IMMEDIATELY
BY HIS DEEP HEARTACHE AND HIS JUST RESSENTIMENT
AGAINST HIS MOTHER VIOLET, WHOM HE WANTED TO PUNISH
WITH HIS COLDNESS. [67A]
UNDERSTANDABLE.
That he later found love in his marriage with Kate Sharma is not
thanks to his mother, but because his feelings for Kate were too strong
to marry out of duty!
And all the emotional damage Violet inflicted on him was not
to be repaired by the selective excuses she made [68], however
revolutionary in Regency Era [68A], but that’s
for another time.
Also the ”Ghost of Edmund” nonsense [69]
[in reality it was the Ghost of Siena] was a way for Violet,
not only to try to write Siena out of history, but also self protection.
Had she mentioned her sabotage of Siena, she made a good chance to lose her son
forever.
But about Violet’s selective excuses and the Ghost of Edmund [because
Anthony really had a trauma of his father’s death, although abused by Violet for her own benefit], we talk another time.
THANKS FOR TRAVELING WITH ME AGAIN, READERS!
ASTRID ESSED
NOTES
NOTE 1A
NOTE 1AA
NOTE 1B
NOTES 1 AND 2
NOTES 3 T/M 12
NOTE 13
NOTE 14
NOTES 15 AND 16
NOTES 17 AND 18
NOTES 19 T/M 21
NOTE 22
NOTE 23
NOTES 24 AND 25
NOTE 26
NOTE 27
NOTE 28
NOTES 29 T/M 31
NOTE 31A
NOTES 32 T/M 36
NOTE 37
NOTE 38A
NOTE 38
NOTE 39
NOTES 40 T/M 42
NOTE 43
NOTE 44
NOTES 45 T/M 47
NOTES 48 T/M 50
NOTE 51
NOTE 52
NOTE 52A
NOTE 53
NOTE 54
NOTE 55
NOTE 56
NOTE 57
NOTE 58A
NOTES 58 AND 59
NOTE 60
NOTE 61A
NOTE 61
NOTES 62 AND 63
NOTE 64
NOTE 65
NOTE 66
NOTE 67A
NOTE 67
NOTE 68A
NOTE 68
NOTE 69
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